A female deer
Let’s start at the very beginning. I have often been told that it’s a very good place to start. I don’t know if I buy it, but let’s start there anyway.
I was young, innocent, naive and drunk. Or at least I thought I was drunk. Maybe I simply told myself I was drunk. I had had alcohol - that was for sure. Yes, I was drunk… or maybe just tipsy. Either way, I was definitely not sober. I remember grabbing on to a girl’s arm as she walked away. She didn’t seem to like that very much; in fact, she was pretty upset about it. She was also just plain pretty. I also remember her sitting on my lap at some point. I remember trying extra hard to keep from popping a boner whilst she was sitting there. I remember feeling uncomfortable with my surroundings. A house party is no place for someone so innocent.
Is innocence even a virtue anymore? Was it ever a virtue? Something tells me that it used to be, and at some point before I was born, it stopped being one. What is a virtue anyway? Socrates couldn’t figure it out. Maybe I shouldn’t try. When I think of the word ‘innocence’, I think of a lack of understanding; lack of awareness. I think about a sheltered teenager who will one day be forced to deal with the world. Being innocent is something I would never want to be again, and something I never want my kids to be. The day they learn to speak, they’re learning four letter words, and the day they learn what being cool is, they’re learning to inhale. Well maybe not. Come to think of it, I’m thinking of the word ‘naive’. For some reason, the words ‘innocent’ and ‘naive’ have the same meaning in my head. But back to being drunk-
I like stumbling when I’m drunk, even if I’m not drunk enough to be stumbling. It’s fun. I stumbled out onto the backyard, where a bunch of people were smoking cigarettes. Either I asked for one, or I was offered one. I can’t remember. Either way, someone handed me a cigarette. It was already lit. I took a drag…coughed my lungs out. Someone said “that’s good”. I took another drag, and felt the sharp stab again, instantly followed by another coughing fit. It was worse this time. Another drag – the coughing continues. I ask for a glass of water. It takes forever. The coughing subsides before I get it. I look up to see a group of people grinning at me. I look around. I look again. This was no cigarette. This wasn’t the beginning either. Maybe I should start over…this time at the very beginning.
